Concerning religion, I've been angry a lot over the last few years. Honestly, it's been longer than a few years. Some of this anger is present as I reflect upon my childhood teachings about how I was to fear god yet accept "his" love at the same time. Of the dual nature of god, I could never reconcile the polar opposites of this celestial being. By the way, I loathe the divisive and conscious use of male pronouns and the propagation of such by the church patriarchy through the years when referring to deity.
I am also angry at the behavior I observed when believers of one persuasion treated the believers of another persuasion with scorn or disdain, OR, more close to home, how believers treated their own when they did not measure up. My own sweet mother, who loved to sing solos in church and still does, was politely told that she would NOT be singing for a locally televised sunday church service because she and my father were separated. The self-righteous minister said her personal situation, being widely known in our small community, was not an image the church wanted to air, literally or figuratively! I was in the 8th or 9th grade at the time.
Skipping ahead, after college I went to seminary, Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, in North Carolina. I was there in 1987 when the fundamentalist contingency of the Southern Baptist Convention had come into majority power and started to mandate that all professors sign an infallibility statement indicating their agreement that the Christian Bible was the infallible and inerrant Word of God. The seminary president, who happened to be the uncle of a dear college friend of mine, resigned during this time, very likely under the pressure of the right wing arm of the seminary board. Many professors and students led by their own convictions followed his lead and went elsewhere. I was one of those who left, angered yes, but more confused due to the upheaval of my own set of beliefs.
During this tumultuous time, a friend of mine drew a picture of the seminary chapel with the word "Ichabod" written boldly above the chapel doors. The Hebrew word Ichabod means "the glory has departed." Furthermore, the word glory in this context denotes presence as in the manifestation of god's presence. My departure from seminary and from my former Christian faith is symbolized in my friend's apt drawing.
I ditched the religious calling some 20+ years ago when I left seminary though I returned once more to leave yet again for a final time without completing my degree. Since then I have been quite content to explore and have participated in various religious communities and/or spiritual expressions of faith. I have dabbled in the mysticism of eastern religions, read many books by the self-help gurus to gain enlightenment, and listened to the "attract anything you want, if you just believe" secret of the religious science church (the latter now striking me as oxymoronic).
To be clear, I am angered by the duplicity and the self-righteousness exhibited by certain born-again religious types from my past. The misguided and sometimes abusive behavior of some has made an indelible impression on me to be sure and has left me with me contempt for religion in general. As an aside, I do not think all religious folks are pricks as I have many dear friends who profess faith.
However, I must note that my disbelief in god, let alone a personal god, is not determined on how religious people treat others, good or bad. The glory did not depart overnight, but during my years of questioning and searching, I find myself in a new day, a new light.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Sunday, January 24, 2010
A place to start...
Let's clear "this" up.....
I grew up in a fundamentalist religious environment in the South. Lucky, I guess. For the greater part of my life, I took my ability to think for granted. Was it the adherence to the rigid principles of fundamentalist Christianity in which I was taught to fear god that abused my natural childlike curiosity to think openly and without shame? I feared thinking the wrong thing(s) so much that I policed my thoughts laboriously and incessantly used prayer to wipe out any impurities in thought or otherwise. Original sin? My ass.
As a child and adolescent, I wasn't taught the benefits of thinking clearly, let alone how to think critically. I was, however, taught the virtues and "blessings" of blind faith and belief. I was taught that it was a sin to think impure thoughts. "You shouldn't think like that" was a repetitive thought in my head as I tried to maintain a pure conscience. I spent many hours on end worrying and fearful that I'd somehow screwed-up and not had "enough of" or the "right" belief in god and I'd spend eternity in hell. It wasn't until college and I was in my early twenties that I began to shake loose from this twisted web of illogic and fallacy.
As a rule, logic was not in my lexicon of belief as I grew up. As could be expected, my belief engine was so strong that I would accept without question, most, if not all of the claims made by the preachers and teachers in my life. I didn't know there was such a thing as skepticism, nor did I realize how valuable reason and logic could be. The absence of skepticism was in no doubt (pun intended) a result of a guarded and warped belief system. Skepticism or having doubt in god or in things of god, pastor, church, bible, etc. was, in my mind, a sin.
Okay, that was fun! At a later time, I'll come back to some of the topics raised above. Let's skip to today, now that I'm in my mid-40s. I am different now. I think, I question, I doubt, I feel, I laugh, I love, I live. I continue to have a natural curiosity about the world that instills excitement and wonder. I have a healthy and skeptical perspective. As a father to a, now, 22 month old daughter, I owe it not only to myself but to her to embrace curiosity and the ability to question and reason. To the best of my ability, I will teach her the value of inquiry, doubt, and logical reasoning.
For the record, I am not religious nor Christian nor new-age nor, would I say, spiritual. I am a human with a genuine desire to connect deeply with others in this life. Hence, the reasons for me to blog: to connect as well as to share with others, to challenge and liberate myself emotionally and intellectually, and to solidify my humanness.
Most of the time my thoughts whirr about in my noggin' and they don't have a chance to settle and crystalize. My hope is to use this blog to dive into the depths of my understanding of the world, current events, and life and formulate into words those ideas, hopes, rants, and raves that make living a once in a lifetime event. Read on...
I grew up in a fundamentalist religious environment in the South. Lucky, I guess. For the greater part of my life, I took my ability to think for granted. Was it the adherence to the rigid principles of fundamentalist Christianity in which I was taught to fear god that abused my natural childlike curiosity to think openly and without shame? I feared thinking the wrong thing(s) so much that I policed my thoughts laboriously and incessantly used prayer to wipe out any impurities in thought or otherwise. Original sin? My ass.
As a child and adolescent, I wasn't taught the benefits of thinking clearly, let alone how to think critically. I was, however, taught the virtues and "blessings" of blind faith and belief. I was taught that it was a sin to think impure thoughts. "You shouldn't think like that" was a repetitive thought in my head as I tried to maintain a pure conscience. I spent many hours on end worrying and fearful that I'd somehow screwed-up and not had "enough of" or the "right" belief in god and I'd spend eternity in hell. It wasn't until college and I was in my early twenties that I began to shake loose from this twisted web of illogic and fallacy.
As a rule, logic was not in my lexicon of belief as I grew up. As could be expected, my belief engine was so strong that I would accept without question, most, if not all of the claims made by the preachers and teachers in my life. I didn't know there was such a thing as skepticism, nor did I realize how valuable reason and logic could be. The absence of skepticism was in no doubt (pun intended) a result of a guarded and warped belief system. Skepticism or having doubt in god or in things of god, pastor, church, bible, etc. was, in my mind, a sin.
Okay, that was fun! At a later time, I'll come back to some of the topics raised above. Let's skip to today, now that I'm in my mid-40s. I am different now. I think, I question, I doubt, I feel, I laugh, I love, I live. I continue to have a natural curiosity about the world that instills excitement and wonder. I have a healthy and skeptical perspective. As a father to a, now, 22 month old daughter, I owe it not only to myself but to her to embrace curiosity and the ability to question and reason. To the best of my ability, I will teach her the value of inquiry, doubt, and logical reasoning.
For the record, I am not religious nor Christian nor new-age nor, would I say, spiritual. I am a human with a genuine desire to connect deeply with others in this life. Hence, the reasons for me to blog: to connect as well as to share with others, to challenge and liberate myself emotionally and intellectually, and to solidify my humanness.
Most of the time my thoughts whirr about in my noggin' and they don't have a chance to settle and crystalize. My hope is to use this blog to dive into the depths of my understanding of the world, current events, and life and formulate into words those ideas, hopes, rants, and raves that make living a once in a lifetime event. Read on...
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